LGBTQIA is an abbreviation for:

• lesbian;
• gay;
• bisexual;
• transgender;
• queer or questioning;
• intersex; and
• asexual.

Lesbian and gay are terms for people who experience sexual attraction to partners of the same gender. Bisexual is a term for people who may experience attraction to partners of multiple genders. These terms describe sexual orientations or sexual identities.¹

Transgender or “trans” people have gender identities that in some way do not match the sex they were assigned at birth. This can include people who are:

• nonbinary (do not identify with either “man” or “woman”);
• gender nonconforming (do not identify with any gender); or
• other gender identities that do not fit a binary (man/woman) definition.

A person does not have to have gender confirmation surgery or take gender-specific hormones to be transgender. For example, a trans man could be a person who adults identified as a girl at birth, but who is a boy or man. Being transgender does not necessarily mean someone is also lesbian, gay, bisexual, or queer. Trans people may identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or queer, or may identify as heterosexual or asexual. To learn more about the trans community, please visit the National Center for Transgender Equality.¹

Note: A cisgender or “cis” person is someone whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Generally, someone born with a penis is assigned “male” or “boy” at birth, while someone born with a vagina is assigned “female” or “girl” at birth. A cis person is someone whose identity matches this assignment.

Queer is an umbrella term that may refer to both sexual identity and gender identity. Someone may refer to their sexual orientation or attraction to people of many genders as being queer. Someone who is queer may also be gender nonconforming, nonbinary, or genderqueer, which may mean they do not identify as any one gender, they identify as multiple genders, or their gender expression falls outside any one category. For more information on the difference between gender identity and gender expression, please see the Human Rights Campaign’s page “Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Definitions.”¹

Intersex is a general term used to refer to someone whois born with reproductive or sexual body parts that don’t seem to fit the typical definition of “male” or “female.” For instance, an intersex person may have a penis, but also have a uterus or ovaries, or be born with genitals that are not clearly defined as a penis or vagina.²

Asexual describes someone who does not experience sexual attraction or desire for anyone of any sex or gender.¹

¹ “Glossary of Terms,” Human Rights Campaign
² “What is intersex,” Intersex Society of North America

In addition to “traditional” forms of abuse and the abuse described in What forms of abuse are unique to LGBTQ victims?, transgender or trans victims of domestic violence may face specific forms of abuse because they are trans. In one 2015 study, trans survivors reported experiencing physical violence, emotional abuse, threats, and intimidation.¹ Trans people are vulnerable to emotional abuse and bullying by the abusive partner because of their gender identity and/or sexual orientation. Here are some of the behaviors abusers may use to gain power and control over transgender victims:

• emotionally belittling the victim by calling the victim “it” or anything other than the victim’s pronouns;
• making fun of how the victim’s body looks and/or how it does or doesn’t “match” the victim’s gender identity;
• accusing the victim of not being a “real” man/woman;
• ridiculing the victim’s gender identity and/or sexual orientation, perhaps by using slurs, offensive pronouns, or insults;
• denying the victim access to medical treatment and/or hormones by hiding or discarding medication, preventing the victim from seeing the doctor (such as by taking away the car or withholding money), or creating other barriers that prevent the victim from receiving medical attention;
• hiding or throwing away a victim’s accessories or clothing items, especially items which help the victim present as their gender (such as a binder for trans men and nonbinary and gender nonconforming people);
• touching parts of the victim’s body in an unwanted way, or calling body parts by terms the abuser knows will hurt the victim;
• justifying sexual abuse by saying things like, “this is how real men/women like sex;”
• threatening to “out” the victim to family, friends, co-workers, landlords, law enforcement, or anyone else without the victim’s consent;
• telling the victim that they would “make the LGBTQ community look bad” by coming forward with the abuse; and
• forbidding the victim from revealing that they are transgender or from talking about issues specific to the transgender community with others.¹

Along with general resources for domestic violence victims, there are places where transgender victims of abuse can find help specific to their needs. For a list of local and national resources that specialize in transgender domestic violence or are LGBTQ-friendly, please see our National Organizations / LGBTQ page.

¹ This information has been adapted from information compiled by FORGE - see “Transgender/SOFFA: Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Resource Sheet.”

Asexual victims of abuse may face specific forms of abuse because they are asexual. In addition to “traditional” forms of abuse and the abuse described in What forms of abuse are unique to LGBTQ victims?, asexual people are vulnerable to abuse based on their lack of sexual attraction or desire. Here are some of the behaviors abusers may use to gain power and control over asexual victims:

• saying there is something “wrong” with the victim or that the victim is “broken” because they are asexual;
• telling the victim that something is “wrong” with their body, and that is why they are asexual;
• mocking the victim’s body or making the victim feel bad about their body responding or not responding to sexual acts;
• touching the victim’s body without permission or in a way the abuser knows makes the victim uncomfortable;
• threatening the victim with rape or sexual assault to “cure” the victim’s asexuality;
• telling the victim that they are asexual or are confused about being asexual because no one wants to have a relationship or sex with them;
• threatening to tell the victim’s friends, family, or coworkers about their asexuality without their permission; and
• stopping or forbidding the victim from speaking to other asexual people, talking about asexuality, or attending in-person or online support groups for asexual people.¹

For more information on domestic abuse and sexual violence toward asexual people, please see Resources for Ace Survivors.

¹ This information has been adapted from the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition’s and OUTreach Resource Center’s brochure, “Asexual People and Intimate Partner Violence,” with additional information from The Huffington Post’s “Battling Asexual Discrimination, Sexual Violence And ‘Corrective’ Rape.”

LGBTQ victims of domestic violence may have to overcome homophobia and/or transphobia when trying to find help for the domestic violence they are experiencing. Below are some of the most common obstacles:

• Lack of focused services. Few domestic violence shelters or organizations offer programs aimed specifically at LGBTQ relationships. Victims may feel like they have to lie to the shelter in order to hide their identity, or may be forced by the shelter to “come out” (tell the shelter about their sexual orientation) in order to get help. Additionally, not all service providers may be fully aware of issues specific to LGBTQ relationships. This lack of knowledge may cause providers to say or do homophobic or transphobic things.
• Discrimination from law enforcement. LGBTQ victims often have to deal with cultural myths when interacting with law enforcement. For instance, some law enforcement officers may believe that abuse in same-sex relationships is mutual (that both partners batter each other), or that abuse cannot occur in same-sex relationships. This myth may result in both the victim and the abuser being arrested if the police are called. An LGBTQ survivor may also be afraid that revealing the abuse will reflect badly on all LGBTQ people or fuel anti-LGBTQ biases.
• Lack of resources for LGBTQ people. Homophobia and transphobia may make it more difficult for LGBTQ people to find housing, employment, or medical care because some states do not make it illegal to discriminate against an LGBTQ person. When a victim cannot access resources, they may be more dependent on abusers. In addition, some states do not allow victims to obtain restraining orders against the abuser if they are the same gender unless they are/were married. See Can I get a restraining order against my same-sex partner? for more information.
• Isolation. If the victim does not know many other LGBTQ people besides the abuser, they may feel isolated and afraid to leave the relationship. It can be especially difficult for them to find support if the victim lives somewhere where there are already limited support resources for LGBTQ individuals.¹

Despite these challenges, there are places to find help. For a list of local and national hotlines and organizations that specialize in LGBTQ domestic violence or are LGBTQ-friendly please see our National Organizations / LGBTQ page.

¹ This information has been adapted from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

One tool that can be helpful when any victim is trying to escape from domestic violence is a restraining order (also known as a protection order, injunction, etc.). A restraining order can provide many forms of protection and can order an abuser to:

• stop all contact with you;
• stay away from you;
• leave your home; and
• do (or not do) other things ordered by the judge to keep you safe.

All but two states allow an unmarried victim in an abusive LGBTQ relationship to get a restraining order. In North Carolina and South Carolina, unmarried victims of abuse may only file for a protection order based on domestic violence against abusers of the opposite sex.

You can find more information for North Carolina at Can I get a DVPO against a same-sex partner?

You can find more information for South Carolina at Can I get an order for protection against a same-sex partner?

In every other state, laws about restraining orders are written to be gender-neutral or inclusive of same-sex partners. In other words, the law doesn’t refer to the gender of the parties involved, or specifically includes same-sex couples.

To see what the law says in your state, go to our Restraining Orders page and enter your state in the drop-down menu. Then look for a question with a title similar to “Can I get a restraining order against a same-sex partner?”

You can find information about LGBTQIA victims of abuse and what types of barriers they may face on our LGBTQIA Victims page.