Physical care means providing the child’s main home and day-to-day, routine care for the child.¹

Joint physical care means the parents have equal rights and responsibilities to provide the child’s main home and take care of the child. Both parents keep homes for the child and share parenting time.² 

Sole physical care, also called primary physical care, means the child regularly lives with one parent who provides day-to-day, routine care for the child.¹ The other parent may or may not have visitation. The parent who the child regularly lives with may be called the “custodial parent.” The other parent may be called the “noncustodial parent.” If you have sole physical care, you are supposed to support your child’s relationship with the other parent.³

¹ Iowa Code § 598.1(7)
² Iowa Code § 598.1(4)
³ Iowa Code § 598.41(5)(b)

There are many reasons people choose not to file for custody. Some parents decide not to get a custody order because they don’t want to get the courts involved. Some parents make an informal agreement that works well for them. Parents may be concerned that going to court will provoke the other parent. They may worry that if they start a custody case, the other parent will suddenly fight for, and may get, more custody or visitation rights than they are comfortable with.

If the other parent is uninvolved with the child now, he or she may become involved just because a case was started. Also, if the other parent fights for custody, the case may drag on for a long period of time, which can be emotionally and financially draining. The court will look into many aspects of your personal life that you may prefer keeping private such as past mental health issues, your criminal record, substance abuse issues, and details of your personal relationships.

However, getting a custody order from a court can give you certain legal rights. Getting a custody order can give you:

• the right to make decisions about your child; and
• the right to have your child live with you.

Without a custody order, it is possible that both parents may share these legal rights, even if one parent takes care of the child every day. However, if you file for custody, the other parent may also request these rights, and it will be up to the judge to decide. Under Iowa law, a temporary order of custody will also include a visitation schedule for the noncustodial parent unless the judge decides that visitation is not in the child’s best interest.¹

We strongly recommend talking to a lawyer who can help you think through if filing for custody would be best for you, depending on the facts of your situation. You can find legal help by clicking on the IA Finding a Lawyer page.

¹ Iowa Code § 598.10

If you are a parent in a divorce or custody and visitation case, Iowa law requires you to attend a court-approved parenting class about how children are affected by their parents’ separation or divorce.¹ The class may be called “Children in the Middle,” “Children in Between,” “Children Cope with Divorce,” or something similar.

You and the other parent are supposed to take this parenting class within 45 days of the court papers being served. You both must take the class before the judge can issue a final divorce decree or custody and visitation order unless the judge has waived your attendance for a good reason (“good cause”).¹ Each parent is responsible for arranging to take the class and pay for the cost.² Contact the clerk of court in your county to find out which classes are accepted in your county. According to the Iowa Courts website, some counties accept online classes, but others don’t.

¹ Iowa Code § 598.15(1) 
² Iowa Code § 598.15(2)

A parenting plan describes the custody and physical care arrangement and spells out when each parent will have time with the child.¹ Parents can come to an agreement on their own and submit an agreed parenting plan to the judge. However, if the parents cannot agree, each parent can submit their own proposed plan. Then, the judge will decide and make the order.

If a parent is asking for joint physical care, the judge may require the parents to submit proposed parenting plans that address:

• how the parents will make decisions affecting the child:
• how the parents will provide a home for the child;
• how the child’s time will be divided between the parents;
• how each parent will facilitate the child’s time with the other parent;
• how the parents will share expenses in addition to court-ordered child support;
• how the parents will resolve major changes or disagreements affecting the child including changes that arise due to the child’s age and developmental needs; and
• any other issues the court may require.²

The court has parenting plan forms you can use if you don’t have a lawyer. Find links to get the divorce and custody forms on our IA Court Forms page.

If you are a domestic violence survivor, the parenting plan needs to be safe for you and your child. The best way to get help making a safe plan is to speak with a lawyer who knows about custody and domestic violence. Go to our IA Finding a Lawyer page for legal referrals. However, if you’re on your own without a lawyer, you may find it helpful to read 10 Things to Know About Parenting Plans in Cases Involving Domestic Violence.³

¹ See Iowa R. Civ. P. 17.200-Form 229, Form 230; Iowa R. Civ. P. 17.400-Form 429, Form 430.
² Iowa Code § 598.41(5)(a)
³ See 10 Things to Know About Parenting Plans in Cases Involving Domestic Violence by Melissa Mangiaracina, JD, National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges (2019)

When married parents separate or get divorced, either one or both parents can get custody of the child.¹

If the child’s parents are not married, and the father has not signed an acknowledgment of paternity, then the mother has sole custody of the child unless a judge has ordered something else. However, after legal fatherhood (paternity) is established, the father has an equal right to file for custody or visitation.²

¹ Iowa Code § 598.41
² Iowa Code § 600B.40(1)

If a parent murdered the child’s other parent:

If a parent was convicted of first-degree murder of the child’s other parent, the murderer parent cannot get visitation with the child. However, the judge can make an exception if the judge decides it would be in the child’s best interest to visit the murderer parent, taking into account:

• the child’s age and maturity level;
• if the child is developmentally mature enough to agree to the visitation and the child wants to visit the parent;
• the recommendation of the child’s custodian or legal guardian;
• the recommendation of a child counselor or mental health professional who evaluated the child;
• the recommendation of the guardian ad litem for the child, if there is one; and
• any other information the judge thinks is relevant.¹

If a parent committed a sex offense against a child:

If a parent was convicted of a sex offense against a child, the judge must consider this, in addition to all of the other best interest factors, to decide if it is in the child’s best interest to visit with the parent. However, a parent who was convicted of a sex offense against a child cannot get visitation while s/he is incarcerated. The parent also cannot get visitation while s/he is on probation or parole until s/he completes any court-ordered treatment program.

If a parent is incarcerated for a sex offense against a child, this is considered a “substantial change in circumstances” that could be a reason to change (modify) a custody or visitation order.²

¹ Iowa Code § 598.41B
² Iowa Code § 598.41A

A grandparent or great-grandparent can only file for visitation if the child’s parent has died. The judge will generally accept the parent’s refusal to give visitation unless many factors are proven to be true. All of this is explained in more detail in Can a grandparent or great-grandparent get visitation? One of the factors the judge will consider is whether visitation is in the child’s best interest.¹ To decide this, the judge will look at the following things:

• how the child’s relationships with his/her parents, siblings, and other relatives compare to the child’s relationship with the grandparent or great-grandparent asking for visits;
• how far the grandparent or great-grandparent lives from the child;
• the child’s and parent’s schedules and free time;
• the child’s age;
• the child’s wishes and concerns about visiting the grandparent or great-grandparent, if the judge interviewed the child about this;
• the child’s health and safety;
• the mental and physical health of all involved;
• if the grandparent or great-grandparent acted in a way that resulted in a legal determination (finding) that a child was abused or neglected;
• if the grandparent or great-grandparent was convicted of or pleaded guilty to:
  • a criminal offense involving any child being abused or neglected; or
  • a criminal offense where the victim of the crime was a member of the family or household involved in this case;
• the wishes and concerns of the child’s parent; and
• anything else that the judge considers to be in the best interest of the child.^​2

¹ Iowa Code § 600C.1(1), (2), (3)
² Iowa Code § 600C.1(4)

Before filing in court for custody, you may want to consider drawing up an out-of-court agreement with the other parent. Usually, parents will have to be flexible when it comes to custody and visitation for the benefit of the child. Often, parents who fight for sole custody will litigate in court for months or even years and end up with some sort of joint custody agreement after settlement or trial.

However, sometimes fighting for sole custody is necessary because you can’t agree with the other parent, the other parent is not allowing contact, or you fear for your child’s well-being. Especially with domestic violence, many abusers will try to keep power and control over the victim-survivor through the child, so joint custody isn’t recommended due to the power difference in the relationship.

If you decide to file in court for custody, the process usually looks similar to this:

1. File for custody.

You may file in the family court or a court of a different name that hears custody cases. Generally, you will file in the county where the child lives and, depending on the circumstances, you may be able to request an emergency or temporary order as part of your petition. The exact petition you file may depend on whether you are married or not:

• If you are a married parent, you would generally include the custody petition within the divorce process.
• If you are an unmarried parent, you would generally file using the Petition for Custody (Parents Not Married) forms. However, if paternity hasn’t been established, which means that the father hasn’t been legally recognized, then this process will likely have to happen first or as part of the custody process.

You can find links to the divorce and custody petition forms on our IA Download Court Forms page.

2. Prepare for the custody process

The court custody process is usually very long and can be emotionally and financially draining. If you are representing yourself in court, you can learn about the court process and how to present evidence in our Preparing for Court – By Yourself section. If you are able to hire an attorney, you can use this list of questions as your guide when deciding who to hire.

During the court process, you will try to prove why you should have your child’s custody. When preparing for court, you can gather evidence that helps make your case as to why you should have custody of the child. This process should be directed by the factors the law says a judge should consider when deciding custody. You can see How will a judge make a decision about custody? for more information. It’s important to consider that the judge will be focused on what is in the best interest of your child and many states consider that this is to have a relationship with both parents.

Iowa law requires parents with children to attend a “Children in the Middle” parenting class before the judge can issue a final custody and visitation order or divorce decree. See What is a “Children in the Middle” class? for more information.  

3. Prepare for trial

There will be one or more hearings, including a trial, if the parties cannot reach an agreement by themselves or as part of a mediation process. During trial, you or your attorney will be able to present evidence and cross-examine the other party to help the judge make a decision.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can plan for your safety while in court and you should ask the judge to include some protections in the custody order. For example, you can ask for some of the following terms:

• communications between the parents can only be in writing;
• all communications can only be related to the child; and
• a neutral third party should be present at the exchange of the child or should be the one to drop off and pick up the child.

You should also try to be as specific as possible in terms of the decision-making powers of each parent, who has the child on holidays, birthdays, etc., and the time and place for pick-ups and drop-offs of the child to avoid future conflicts.

4. Options if you lose the custody case

There could be a couple of options that are filed immediately after the judge makes the custody order:

• A motion for reconsideration asks the judge to decide differently based on the law or new evidence.
• An appeal moves the case to a higher court and asks that court to review the lower court’s decision due to the judge’s error.

A petition to change (modify) the order is an option that would not be filed right away. You could ask for a modification if, later on, a substantial change of circumstances happens. A few examples could be if the other parent gets sent to jail, gets charged with child abuse or neglect, or moves to another state. If you are already divorced, a petition for a change in custody can be filed in the county where the divorce was issued.

To find out more about how the process works in your area, please contact a lawyer. Please visit our IA Finding a Lawyer page to find legal help in your area.​ You can also watch our Custody, Visitation, and Child Support videos where we explain the process. The videos include information about the different types of custody and visitation and related legal concepts that a judge will consider, child support, and moving out of state with your child.

The judge will often favor giving parents joint legal custody. Under Iowa law, as long as it’s reasonable and in the child’s best interest, the judge must give a custody and visitation order that:

• gives your child as much ongoing physical and emotional contact with both parents as possible; and
• will encourage the parents to share the rights and responsibilities of raising the child.¹

The only exception to joint custody is if having this kind of contact with the other parent is likely to cause direct physical harm or significant emotional harm to the child, other children, or you.¹

If the judge does not give joint legal custody, the judge must specifically explain why it is unreasonable and not in the best interest of the child so much so that it justifies ending (severing) the legal custodial relationship between the child and parent.²

If the judge gives joint legal custody, the judge can also give joint physical care if either parent asks for it. If the judge does not grant this, the judge must specifically explain why joint physical care. is unreasonable and not in the best interest of the child. Before deciding, the judge can require the parents to submit proposed parenting plans.³ See What is a parenting plan? for more information.

¹ Iowa Code § 598.41(1)(a)
² Iowa Code § 598.41(2)(b)
³ Iowa Code § 598.41(5)(a), (5)(b)

There are exceptions to the “home state rule.” For example, it may be possible to file for custody in Iowa even if it is not the child’s home state because:

1. the child is present in Iowa and either:
   
   • the child has been abandoned; or
   • it is necessary in an emergency situation to protect the child because the child, a sibling, or parent of the child, is subjected to or threatened with mistreatment or abuse;¹ or
2. the judge determines that:
   
   • the child and his/her parent have “significant connections” in the state; and
   • there is substantial evidence in the state related to the child’s care, protection, training, and personal relationship.²

This can be very complicated and there are additional exceptions that could apply. Please talk to a lawyer in Iowa and in the state where your child was previously living to figure out where to file. To find a lawyer or legal aid program in your area, please visit the IA Finding a Lawyer page or you can reach out to the Legal Resource Center for Violence Against Women for information if you are a victim of abuse.

¹ Iowa Code § 598B.204(1)
² Iowa Code § 598B.201(1)(b)

If you win your custody or visitation case, the judge can order the abuser to pay your attorney’s fees. The judge can also order the abuser to pay your attorney’s fees if you win a case to change (modify) a paternity, custody, or visitation order.¹

¹ Iowa Code § 600B.26

If you no longer want to continue with your custody and visitation case, you can file a motion asking the judge to dismiss it. However, if the other parent has already come to court or filed legal papers in the case, both you and the other parent must sign the motion for dismissal.¹

¹ Iowa Code § 598.3

If the other parent doesn’t follow your temporary or final custody and visitation order, you can file for contempt. If the judge believes the other parent purposely disobeyed the order, the judge can hold him/her in contempt and send him/her to jail for up to 30 days. Alternatively, the judge can instead do any of the following:

• give you extra visitation to make up for missed visitation time;
• give you joint custody or change which parent has custody;
• require both parents to participate in mediation to work out joint custody issues;
• direct both parents to provide contact with the child through a neutral third person or a neutral site or center; or
• order other specific requirements to deal with the violation.¹

If you win the contempt case, the judge can order the other parent to pay for your attorney’s fees and other court costs.²

¹ Iowa Code § 598.23
² Iowa Code § 598.24

It’s a good idea to first check if your existing custody and visitation order says anything about moving. If you have joint legal custody and physical care or sole legal custody, and you want to move with your child, you may need to file in court to change your order and get the judge’s permission to move. The judge can consider moving 150 miles or more away from where the child lived at the time you got the custody order to be a substantial change in circumstances for the purposes of changing your order.¹ 

If the other parent does not agree with your plan, s/he can try to convince the judge that moving is not in your child’s best interest.²

If the judge agrees to let you move, the judge can change the order to keep your child’s existing relationship with the other parent intact as much as possible. For example, the judge can include in the order:

• extended visitation with the other parent during the child’s summer vacations and school breaks;
• scheduled telephone calls for the other parent and the child;
• either or both parents to transport the child for visitation; and
• a requirement for you to post a cash bond to make sure you follow the visitation order if the judge believes you interfered with the child’s access to the other parent in the past.¹

¹ Iowa Code § 598.21D
² In re Marriage of Lower, 269 N.W. 2d 822 (Iowa 1978)