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Custody
General info and definitions
What is custody?
Custody is the physical care and supervision of a child under 19 years of age. Custody or “legal custody” also refers to the parental right to make major decisions concerning the child, including the child’s education, health care and religious training.1
1 C.G.S. § 46b-115a
What is physical custody?
Physical custody is the term used to describe the person that lives with the child on a day-to-day basis.1
1 C.G.S. § 46b-115a
What is joint custody?
Joint custody means an order awarding legal custody of the minor child to both parents, providing for joint decision-making by the parents and providing that physical custody shall be shared by the parents in such a way as to make sure the child of gets continued contact with both parents. The court may award joint legal custody without awarding joint physical custody where the parents have agreed to merely joint legal custody. A judge can assume that joint custody is in the best interest of a minor child if the parents agree.1
1 C.G.S. § 46b-56a
What is mediation?
The court may order you to take part in mediation. The session will be conducted informally as a conference or series of conferences, or by telephone. It will consist of a neutral third party, working with the parties involved to reach a mutually agreed upon solution. Each party has one challenge if they disagree with the mediator chosen. If you have been abused, make sure to tell the judge. It may affect his/her decision about whether or not to send you to mediation. If you are a victim of domestic violence, you may want to consider asking a judge to waive mediation.
If the mediator determines that mediation efforts are unsuccessful, s/he will end mediation and notify the judge that the mediation efforts have failed. The custody proceeding will then continue.1
1 C.G.S. § 46b-59a
Should I start a court case to ask for supervised visitation?
If you are not comfortable with the abuser being alone with your child, you might be thinking about asking the judge to order that visits with your child be supervised. If you are already in court because the abuser filed for visitation or custody, you may not have much to lose by asking that the visits be supervised if you can present a valid reason for your request (although this may depend on your situation).
However, if there is no current court case, please get legal advice BEFORE you start a court case to ask for supervised visits. We strongly recommend that you talk to an attorney who specializes in custody matters to find out what you would have to prove to get the visits supervised and how long supervised visits would last, based on the facts of your case.
In the majority of cases, supervised visits are only a temporary measure. Although the exact visitation order will vary by state, county, or judge, the judge might order a professional to observe the other parent on a certain amount of visits or the visits might be supervised by a relative for a certain amount of time – and if there are no obvious problems, the visits may likely become unsupervised. Oftentimes, at the end of a case, the other parent ends up with more frequent and/ or longer visits than s/he had before you went into court or even some form of custody.
In some cases, to protect your child from immediate danger by the abuser, starting a case to ask for custody and supervised visits is appropriate. To find out what may be best in your situation, please go to CT Finding a Lawyer to seek out legal advice.
Who can get custody
Who is entitled to custody?
If there is a disagreement between a parent and a non-parent about custody, a judge can assume that it is in the best interest of the child to be with the parent. This is true unless it can be shown that being with the parent would be harmful to the child.
Where the parents are no longer living or unfit, the judge can award custody to another person or to an agency such as the Department of Human Resources, depending on what the judge believes to be in the best interest of the child. If one parent is dead, is unable or refuses to take custody, or has abandoned the child, the other parent is usually entitled to custody of the child.1
1 C.G.S. § 46b-56b
Can a parent who committed violence get custody or visitation?
The judge will consider various factors when making an order of custody and visitation. One factor a judge can consider is if domestic violence has occurred between the parents, between a parent and someone else, or between a parent and the child – the judge can consider the effect that the actions of the abuser have had on the child.1 However, this is only one of many factors considered and does not necessarily mean that an abuser will not get some form of custody or visitation.
1 C.G.S. § 46b-56(c)(14)
I am the child's grandparent, close relative, etc. Can I get visitation?
Anyone can file for visitation if s/he can allege in the petition, and later prove at a hearing, that:
- a parent-like relationship exists between the person and the child; and
- denial of visitation would cause real and significant harm.1
In determining whether a “parent-like relationship” exists between the petitioner and the child, the judge can consider the following factors (among others):
- the length of the relationship between the petitioner and the child before s/he filed for visitation;
- the length of time that the relationship between the petitioner and the child has been disrupted;
- the specific parent-like activities of the petitioner toward the child;
- any evidence that the petitioner has unreasonably undermined the authority and discretion of the custodial parent;
- the significant absence of a parent from the life of the child;
- the death of one of the child’s parents;
- the physical separation of the parents of the child;
- the fitness of the person seeking visitation; and
- the fitness of the custodial parent.2
If the person applying for visitation is a grandparent (or great-grandparent), the judge can also consider the history of regular contact and proof of a close and substantial relationship between the grandparent and the child in addition to considering the factors above.3
In determining the best interests of the child, the judge is supposed to consider the child’s wishes if s/he is old enough to be able of form an intelligent opinion.4
Note: If a grandparent or other person is granted visitation, such visitation rights cannot be a ground for preventing the relocation of the custodial parent.5
1 C.G.S. § 46b-59(b)
2 C.G.S. § 46b-59(c)
3 C.G.S. § 46b-59(d)
4 C.G.S. § 46b-59(e)
5 C.G.S. § 46b-59(f)
The custody process
How will a judge make a decision about custody?
A judge will look at what is in the best interest of the child when s/he is deciding who will receive custody. The judge may consider one or more of the following factors, among others:
- the physical and emotional safety of the child;
- the child’s nature (temperament) and the developmental needs of the child;
- the ability and willingness of the parents to understand and meet the needs of the child;
- any relevant and important information obtained from the child, including the child’s preference if the child is able to maturely able to form a preference;
- the wishes of the child’s parents as to custody;
- the past and current interaction and relationship of the child with each parent, the child’s siblings and any other person who may significantly affect the best interests of the child;
- the willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage such continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent as is appropriate, including following any court orders;
- any manipulation by, or coercive behavior of, the parents in an effort to involve the child in the parents’ dispute;
- the ability of each parent to be actively involved in the life of the child;
- the child’s adjustment to his or her home, school and community environments;
- the length of time that the child has lived in a stable and satisfactory environment and the desirability of continuing in such environment – – however, if a parent leaves the home during or leading up to the court case to lessen stress in the home, this won’t be held against the parent;
- the stability of the child’s existing or proposed residences, or both;
- the mental and physical health of all individuals involved – however, a parent’s disability will not be the only determining factor unless the proposed custodial arrangement is not in the best interests of the child;
- the child’s cultural background;
- the effect on the child of the actions of an abuser, if any domestic violence has occurred between the parents or between a parent and another individual or the child;
- whether the child or a sibling of the child has been abused or neglected, as defined by law; and
- whether the party satisfactorily completed participation in a parenting education program.1
1 C.G.S. § 46b-56(c)
Where can I file for custody? Which state has jurisdiction?
Custody jurisdiction is state law. However, Connecticut, like most states, has adopted the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA), which we explain here.
Under the UCCJEA, you can only file for custody in the “home state” of the child. (There are exceptions to the “home state” rule – see below.)
The “home state” is the state where the child has lived with a parent or a person acting as a parent for at least six consecutive months. If your child is less than six months old, the “home state” is the state where the child has lived from birth. (Temporary absence from the state does not change anything.)
If you and your child recently moved to a new state, you cannot file for custody in that new state until you have lived there for at least six months. Until then, the other parent can start a custody action in the state that your children most recently lived in for at least six months.
There are exceptions to the home state rule. In some cases, you can file for custody in a state where the children and at least one parent have “significant connections.” Usually, however, you can only do this if there is no home state or if the home state has agreed to let another state have jurisdiction. This can be complicated, and if you think this applies to your situation, please talk to a lawyer in both states about this.
You can also file for temporary emergency custody in a state other than the home state if:
1. the child is present in that state, and
2. the child has been abandoned or it is necessary in an emergency to protect the child because the child, or a sibling or parent of the child, is subjected to or threatened with mistreatment or abuse.1
1 C.G.S. § 46b-115k
Can I get an emergency ex parte custody order when I file my custody petition?
Anyone who is filing for custody of a minor child can ask the court to issue an emergency ex parte order of custody when s/he believes there is an immediate and present risk of physical danger or psychological harm to the child.1 An order that is issued ex parte means that it is issued without prior notice to the other parent, based only on your affidavit/testimony. If the judge issues an emergency ex parte order, the judge will schedule a hearing within 14 days2 and the respondent but be served at least 5 days before that hearing.3 At the hearing, the other parent can object to the ex parte order continuing and it will be up to the judge to decide whether or not to continue the order.
If the judge decides not to issue an ex parte order immediately, the judge must still schedule a hearing on the matter although it may not necessarily be within 14 days.3 If at any time before or after the hearing, the judge believes that an immediate and present risk of physical danger or psychological harm to the child exists, the judge has the power to issue an emergency ex parte order for the protection of the child and the judge can inform the Department of Children and Families of any relevant information in your affidavit for their possible investigation. The emergency order can provide temporary child custody or visitation rights and can order the respondent-parent to not:
- remove the child from the state;
- interfere with the applicant’s custody of the child;
- interfere with the child’s educational program; or
- take any other specific action that is in the best interests of the child.2
1 C.G.S. § 46b-56f(a)
2 C.G.S. § 46b-56f(c)
3 C.G.S. § 46b-56f(d)
Is there anything I can do if my abusive partner continually files court proceedings against me?
In any family relations matter, the judge has the power to punish (sanction) the abuser if s/he is filing motions or petitions in a pattern that the judge believes is “frivolous and intentionally fabricated.” In other words, there is no good reason for the abuser to file against you and s/he is making up these claims. If you think the abuser is doing this, you can file a motion or raise the issue with the judge while you are in court. If the judge does sanction the abuser, the punishment will be focused on making the case move forward without delay.1
“Family relations matters” means the following types of cases:
- separation, annulment, or divorce proceedings;
- alimony, support, and custody related to a separation, annulment, or divorce;
- name changes;
- relief from abuse orders;
- civil support obligations;
- custody and visitation, including habeas corpus;
- habeas corpus cases brought on behalf of a mentally ill person, unless that person has been charged with a crime;
- appointment of a commission to investigate whether someone is wrongfully confined;
- juvenile matters;
- paternity/parentage;
- appeals from probate court related to:
- adoption or termination of parental rights;
- appointment and removal of a guardian or conservator;
- custody; or
- orders of commitment;
- any of the following from another state or country:
- prenuptial or separation agreements;
- matrimonial or civil union decrees; or
- divorce, separation, or annulment of a civil union;
- interstate custody under the UCCJEA; or
- any other matter concerning children or family relations that are within the power (jurisdiction) of the Superior Court.2
1 C.G.S. § 46b-1a
2 C.G.S. § 46b-1(a)
Do I need a lawyer?
You do not need a lawyer to file for custody. However, it may be difficult for you represent yourself in court without the help of a lawyer. Also, if the other parent has a lawyer, it will be particularly helpful if you have a lawyer as well. To find a lawyer or legal aid program in your area, please visit our CT Finding a Lawyer page.
If you are going to be in court without a lawyer, our Preparing for Court – By Yourself section may be useful to you.
Steps to file for custody
Considerations before filing
Before you file for custody, you may consider making an out-of-court agreement with the other parent. Parents often have to be flexible about custody and visitation for the child’s benefit. Parents who fight for sole custody may be in court for months or even years. And they may still end up with some sort of joint custody order after a settlement or trial.
However, sometimes, parents need to file for custody because they can’t agree with the other parent. You may also need to file for custody if the other parent is keeping the child from you or if you fear for the child’s well-being. If the other parent has committed domestic violence against you, s/he may try to keep power and control over you through the child. When there has been domestic violence, joint custody usually isn’t a good option due to the power difference in the relationship between the parents.
Keep in mind that custody court cases can take a long time. Going through this process can be emotionally and financially draining, so please do what you can to take care of yourself. If you have experienced domestic violence, you may want to contact a local domestic violence organization. An advocate there may be able to support you and help you plan for your safety while in court.
You can watch our Custody, Visitation, and Child Support videos, where we explain legal concepts and the court process, to learn more about this topic. You can also read more about safety issues on the Safety Issues section of our Court System Basics page.
In the following sections, we will discuss the steps that generally take place during the custody process. For precise information on how this process works in your county and state, you may want to contact a local lawyer.
Step 1: Prepare for the case
Learn about what types of custody are available and how domestic violence might affect custody in your state. Think about what you will ask for, what would be best for your child, and what would be safest for both of you.
You can prepare for court by gathering evidence that helps explain why you should have custody. Your evidence should relate to the “best interest factors” that a judge looks at to determine what’s best for your child. You can see How will a judge make a decision about custody? for more information.
Custody cases are complicated, so you may want to get a lawyer. If you can hire someone, you can use this list of questions as your guide when deciding which lawyer to choose. If you can’t hire a lawyer, you may at least want to try getting a free or low-cost consultation to help you make a legal strategy for your case.
Step 2: File and serve the custody petition
The legal paperwork that starts a custody case is called a petition. You will usually file your custody petition in the Family Division of Superior Court, in the county where the child or either parent lives.1
The exact petition you file may depend on whether or not you are married to the child’s other parent, as you can see in the chart below.
| If you and the other parent are… | Then you can usually file for custody in… |
|---|---|
| married and getting divorced | the divorce case. |
| married but not divorcing | a separate custody petition. |
| not married | a separate custody petition, but a legal parent-child relationship (parentage) may need to be established before or during the custody case. |
Sometimes, non-parents can also file for custody or visitation rights. To find out about filing for visitation as a non-parent, go to I am the child’s grandparent, close relative, etc. Can I get visitation? or talk to a lawyer.
The custody petition forms you need will be available at your local courthouse. Many forms are also available online. Some courts may have a court assistance officer or other staff who can help you complete the forms you need to file. However, court staff cannot advise or represent you. It’s best to get help from a lawyer to make sure that you have all of the forms and fill them out correctly. You can use our Connecticut Courthouse Locations, Download Court Forms, and Finding a Lawyer pages to find your county’s court, the forms, and local lawyers.
Depending on what’s going on with the child and the other parent, you may be able to ask for an emergency or temporary custody order when you file your petition. That may require appearing in front of the judge. However, in most cases, you will just file the petition, and then the clerk will tell you a date to return to court a few weeks or months later. If your child’s well-being is in danger, make sure to mention this on the petition and notify local authorities as needed. It may also be possible to file for a restraining order (relief from abuse order) and get temporary custody as part of the restraining order.
After you file, the papers will need to be given to the other parent. This is called “service of process,” and there are specific rules on how to do it. You may want to ask the clerk for the instructions on how the other party must be served in your state.
1 C.G.S. § 46b-61(a)
Step 3: Preliminary court dates
The next step in the custody process is to have “preliminary” court dates. Preliminary means introductory or preparatory. These might have a different name in your state, such as “first appearance,” “status conference,” or something else. They are when certain issues can be dealt with in the early stages of the case. Some of the issues that might be dealt with are:
- problems with service of process;
- referrals to mediation;
- temporary custody and visitation orders; and
- pretrial motions.
During this stage, the judge will often give temporary custody and visitation orders that last while the case continues. In some cases, the judge may assign a guardian ad litem or an attorney for the child.
For more information to help you prepare for the preliminary court dates, go to The first appearance in our Before the Trial section.
Step 4: Reach an agreement or go to trial
There are two different ways that you might be able to get a final custody order – by coming to an agreement, or by going to trial.
Reach an agreement: In some situations, you and the other parent might be able to reach an agreement (settlement) about your child’s living arrangements. If the judge approves, your agreement could become the final custody order. This could allow you to keep some level of control over the outcome and help you avoid the stress and uncertainty of a trial. You and the other parent could negotiate an agreement by yourselves, with the help of your attorneys, or through mediation.
Go to trial: If you can’t agree or if it’s unsafe for you to deal with the other parent directly, the next step will be a trial. At that point, the judge will make all the decisions about custody based on what s/he believes is in your child’s best interests. During a trial, you or your attorney can present evidence and cross-examine the other parent. The other parent can do the same. If you are representing yourself, you can learn more about how to do this in our At the Hearing section.
Step 5: Options if you disagree with the order
If you disagree with the judge’s order, there are a couple of legal actions you would need to file right away, such as a motion for reconsideration or an appeal.
- A motion for reconsideration asks the judge to decide differently based on the law or new evidence.
- An appeal moves the case to a higher court and asks that court to review the lower court’s decision due to a judge’s error.
Each state has a set time limit to file these actions, usually ranging from 10 to 60 days. To know your case’s exact timeframe, you should ask an attorney in your state.
You might also be able to ask the judge to change your order in the future if there is a “substantial change of circumstances” after the case is decided. You can do this by filing a motion or petition to change (modify) the order. However, usually, this can only be filed under certain circumstances. Here are a few examples of events that might be considered substantial changes in circumstances:
- The other parent gets sent to jail or charged with child abuse or neglect;
- The other parent is not following the custody and visitation order; or
- Your child’s needs change in a big way.
After an order is in place
If a custody order is already in place, how can I get it changed?
Because custody is decided in the best interest of the child, an order is not usually permanent. If you have a custody order already in place, you can petition the court to make changes to it or modify it. Generally, you can only ask to have a custody order modified if there has been a change in circumstances.
To modify a custody order, you will generally need to go to the court that issued the order, even if you have moved. Generally, once a court has jurisdiction, that court will keep jurisdiction, even if you move to another state. If you have moved, you can ask the court to change the jurisdiction to the new state that you are in. This is often complicated, and as with all custody issues, we recommend that you talk to a lawyer about this. To find a lawyer or legal assistance program in your area, please visit our CT Finding a Lawyer page.
Can I change the state where my case is being heard?
For information on trying to transfer a custody case to another state/ changing a final custody order a different state, please see our Changing a final custody order page.
This is often complicated, and as with all custody issues, we recommend that you talk to a lawyer about this. To find a lawyer or legal aid program in your area, please visit the CT Finding a Lawyer page.
If the other parent takes the kids out of the state without my permission, what can I do?
The answer to this question is very complicated and may depend on many different factors. If the other parent takes the children out of state or somewhere else in the state in violation of your rights to custody or visitation under a court order, you can file a petition for contempt of court. If there is no custody order, some factors that may be considered are whether the parents are married (and considered to have equal parental rights) or, in the case of unmarried parents, whether the father’s paternity has been legally established. Also, there could be a big difference if the other parent is planning a brief visit out of state, a long absence, or if s/he is planning on moving out of state for a long time. You can find Connecticut’s custodial interference criminal laws on our Selected Connecticut Statutes page in the 2nd degree and in the 1st degree. However, these laws can be hard to interpret, it is important to talk to a lawyer who specializes in custody matters to find out if the other parent’s actions are legal or not. See our CT Finding a Lawyer page for information about resources in your state.
If I move to a new state, can I transfer my child custody case there?
After a final custody order is issued, there may come a time when you and your children move to a different state. For information about how to request to transfer the custody case to a new state, please go to the Transferring a custody case to a different state section in our general Custody page. However, it’s important to keep in mind that you may likely first need to get permission from the court or from the other parent to move your children out of state. Please talk to a lawyer to make sure your plans to move don’t violate your custody order or your state’s parental kidnapping laws.
