Divorce

The divorce process can range from very straightforward to very complicated. If you and your spouse agree on a lot of the major issues in the divorce, you may be able to reach an agreement without lengthy court proceedings. If you and your spouse don’t agree on anything, or one spouse is not ready to end the relationship, the divorce can be drawn out for months or years. It’s very possible that you won’t know how your spouse will react until you’re going through the process. For this reason, it may be a good idea to be as ready as possible for either scenario.

Here are some things you can consider as you get ready for the divorce process:

• Get all the financial documentation you can. This includes bank statements, investments, 401(k) plans, tax returns, credit reports, credit card statements, outstanding loans, etc.
• Make a list (inventory) of property purchased after the marriage. Aside from the big items like a house or car, did you or your spouse purchase appliances, computers, bedroom or living room sets, etc.? If possible, take pictures of the property and include the dates of purchase or the actual receipts.
• Contact an attorney working in family law in your state. Even if you can’t afford an attorney, you can consider paying for a consultation where you can ask specific questions about your case. You can also look for free or sliding-scale representation. Having a lawyer is especially relevant if your spouse has been abusive to you, as some abusers may use legal proceedings to continue their controlling or abusive behaviors.
• Consider emotional and spiritual support. Even if you are ready for a divorce, ending a marriage can be emotionally challenging. It’s normal to face conflicting feelings on ending the relationship, even if it’s abusive. Look for the support you need, whether it’s through friends, family, a therapist, or a support group.
• If you have children together, learn more about the custody laws in your state. Oftentimes, custody, visitation, and child support are decided as part of the divorce process. Custody laws can be complicated, but it can be helpful to at least understand how the “best interests of the child” standard is defined in your state, which guides judges’ decisions.
• If you are a survivor of abuse, please also consider:
  
  • Creating a safety plan: Many abusers become more violent when the survivor is ending the relationship. Make sure to think through specific steps and actions you can take to be as safe as possible.
  • Contacting a local organization working with victims of domestic violence: These organizations may be able to provide support, shelter, counseling, safety planning, legal referrals, or other services.
  • Filing for a restraining order: If your spouse has been abusive and you are concerned for your safety, you can look on our website to see if you qualify for a restraining order in your state.