Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Sometimes, an abuser may hurt you by going through other people (third parties) instead of doing it directly. This can take different forms and involve different people. An abuser might:

• threaten or harass your friends or family;
• spread lies or rumors about you to people you care about or to others in your circle in order to ruin your reputation;
• try to hurt your job by showing up at your work or contacting your boss or coworkers; 
• post your private or personal information online to get others to attack, harass, stalk, or sexually assault you, which is known as “doxing;”
• call emergency services to send police or an emergency response team to your home in order to scare or annoy you, which is known as “swatting;” or
• make false reports against you to Child Protective Services (CPS), a licensing board, the police, or the courts.

Some people call abuse using others or abuse using children “domestic violence by proxy,”  “abuse by proxy,” or “narcissistic abuse.” These terms seem to be getting more popular, but they are not widely used or studied in research about domestic violence.

No matter what it’s called, this behavior is harmful, and it’s not your fault. An advocate can help you make a safety plan and explore your legal options.