Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Coercive control is a pattern of acts and behaviors that an abuser uses to take away your freedom and to control your life. The abuser may use fear, pressure, shame, or rules to wear you down and take over your choices.¹ Sometimes, the abuser may also use physical violence, sexual abuse, or other forms of domestic violence as part of coercive control.   

Some examples of coercive control are when the abuser:

• tracks or monitors you, which could be through the use of technology;
• controls your money, puts you on an allowance, or uses other forms of financial abuse;
• makes you depend on him/her for things you need like food, money, and housing;
• tells you what you can or can’t wear, or how you can or cannot style your hair and makeup;
• makes rules you have to follow;
• expects you to “check in” and report to him/her;
• controls your reproductive choices;
• keeps you away from your family and friends;
• threatens to harm or kill you or people you care about;
• threatens to share your private information publicly or to share intimate images of you without your consent;
• destroys your property;
• purposely upsets you or tries to make you lose your temper;
• calls you names and talks down to you; or
• pressures you to do things you don’t want to do or that feel unsafe.¹

These actions are about gaining power, not about showing love or concern. Even if the abuser is not using physical or sexual abuse as part of the pattern of coercive control, it is still a serious form of abuse.

¹ BWJP’s Coercive Control Codification Matrix
² See DVSJA’s Coercive Control Guide and BWJP’s Coercive Control Codification Matrix